Cami's Horse Jokes

Q: What horse is never hungry?

A: A Foal. (Full)

Q: What horse costs only 25 cents?

A: A quarter horse.

Q: What time does the horse have to go to the dentist?

A: Tooth-hurty. (2:30)

Q: What horse lives by the ocean?

A: A Bay.

Q: What did the horse say when it fell?

A: I can't giddy-up.

Q: When does a horse talk?

A: Whinny he wants to.

Q: What horse is good at being a friend?

A: A Pal-omeno.

Q: What horse loves to dream?

A: A dream horse.

Q: What is a horses favorite food?

A: A filly cheese steak.

Q: What horse is best at being an artist?

A: A Paint.

Kiplet

I added more to "The Gunshot"

Kiplet is one cool puppy.

Check out Samson and Delilah.

I just added some more to the story.

Star Trek the next generation......er...ummm I mean Lundgren Trek the next generation!

So I know this is not a fictional story however I thought it would be worthy of a post.
I wonder if all you little Lundgren boys and girls remember the summer we moved here to good ol Utah from Cali. Do you remember our theme song? I remember it well."The Final Countdown" by the group Europe. I remember cleaning out our house in Roseville and listening to this song over and over again. Well some things don't really change I guess and I have on my music playlist this song as well as "Carrie". I like to crank up the volume on the speakers and clean my house to this as well as other nostalgic music. (The last laugh belongs to Matt, I gave him such a hard time when I was young and now I listen to "his type of music" of my own free will and choice) Anyways I was going through my playlists tonight and adding some more music to it, when my cute little 3 year old came to me and said. " I want to listen to the finny downtown song, go to the finny downtown song now! Mommy!"
Needless to say I had no clue what the "finny downtown song" was and told him I didn't know what he wanted. So here we are mother and son having a hardtime understanding each other. I kept asking him was in a movie or show that you watched? He kept saying yes to ALL my yes and no questions I asked him. His description was the finny downtown song that the daddy sings in the church (In my mind I'm thinking some cute sesame street song or primary song.) Okay so we go through all little kid songs that I have. Nope! Poor little William is getting frustrated and so is his mother! Okay so maybe he means some theme from a movie or something, (he does love the Superman theme, Spiderman theme and the Harry Potter theme) so I go through all my soundtrack playlists,.....Nope! Okay so now it has gone past frustration to obsession! I NEED to know what my little boy is trying to communicate to me. I asked him if it was like Billy Joel or Elton John. He says yeah a daddy like Billy Joel. Ohhhhh, I get it.He is just saying that it is a man who sings the song. Well at least I can narrow it down by half! Now I just randomly go through my older music, Europe is actually close to the beginning of my "nostalgic music" so after a few clicks.....Eureka!....oops I mean Europe (ha ha bad play on words). The song begins and William starts to jump up and down... "Yeah Yeah you found it, the finny downtown song Yes (punches the air with his little fist) Iknew you could do it Mommy!"
I respond with Ohhh duh it makes perfect sense..... the finny downtown song.....The Final Countdown. Ha Ha I about fall out of my chair laughing, and William just starts to sing along with the music, than proceeds to listen to it again and again and again and yet again untill William's Daddy says thats enough! So what a way to spend quality time with my son. Yeah it took all of about three hours. Is my kid stubborn or what? Oh wait I think he gets it from Lundgren side, is all my husband says to me.

p.s. William loves this song so much now (I would like to think that it is because of our bonding moment....I mean hour...) He just HAD to listen to it one more time right before bed. Man!

A walk in the park

One bright sunny day in a park not far from your house, the wind softly blew, the flowers quietly grew, and the birds flew.  [Keylady] Close by there is a babbling brook where plants dance and fish shimmy and slide along the water's edge playing in the sun.  [Keylady] It is at this water's edge where brownies and faeries gather to celebrate the coming of spring. Little people who hide under the growing number of crocuses, lupines, daisies, daffladils, and all manner of wild flowers. 

When suddenly....

alright... lets do it, what shall we add?

-Sargon  

Adventures of Jamis

Jamis you put back that onion ring! Jamis smiled knowing that he had successfully snitched another. He quickly left the cook in the kitchen and went out the back door.  

Jamis was a bright child, so his mom always had told him. He looked forward to his birthday in 2 weeks. His 13th! His Nanny said both his parents would be at the party. He heard the soft padded steps of his dog come up beside him. He absently patted Muffit on the head. Jamis felt the querying sniffs. "Sorry boy I ate it!" patting his stomach. He felt restless, He walked to the back fence and looked through the chain links. The open field called to him. "What fun will we have today, boy?" giving Muffit a vigorous scratching to his ruff. "Lets go boy," while opening the back gate.

To be continued.

-Sargon

The Gunshot

Once upon a time, there was a puppy named Kiplet. He was a brown dog, with long hair and tiny legs. He lived in a far away place called Reethwood. Reethwood was a calm and peaceful place. Kiplet was a happy puppy.
What made Reethwood calm a peaceful for Kiplet, was the simple fact that Kiplet was born and raised there. But in the humans' eyes, Reethwood was very much NOT calm and peaceful. It was a disputed area, and had been for quite some time.
Reethwood was a 3 sq. mi. area that had everything from desert to rain forests, and from mountains to valleys. Anyone who resided here would have everything they needed. Even scorpions and mountain goats could live together! Kiplet was born on the side of a mountain. Meanwhile, a battle was raging in the nearby forest.
Kiplet's first noise he heard was a gunshot. He shivered. He yelped. He even puppy cried! The next day, he took a walk. He did so without his mom. "She is sleeping," he figured, "I'll leave her be." He looked of the mountainside. "Let's see," he thought "the desert, the forest, a hike up the mountain, oh yes, the lake!" He started to run. The lake was his favorite place. You could swim, bathe, and drink from the lake. "Oh, I don't like that noise!" He curled in a ball, but quickly got out. He wanted to go to the lake. BANG!!! BANG!!!

To be continued...

-Jakeman

Why do you cut the ends off the ham?

It was the year 1984, the Christmas season had been a joy this year. All the family gathered Christmas week at Rogers house. Now Roger had a lovely wife, Sarah and a sweet daughter Sabrina . This evening Sabrina was helping Sarah in the kitchen making the traditional Christmas dinner. Sabrina loved helping her Mom any time but this dinner was especially exciting. The whole family had gathered and were sharing sorries in the living room while the “cooks” were in the kitchen. Sabrina was happy because she could help her mother and listen to the stories at the same time. Smells began to fill the house.

Roger was starting to feel the intense desire for delicious ham. He visited the kitchen just as the ham was coming out of the oven. He hopped to snitch a piece before dinner. He watched intently as his lovely wife cut the ends off the ham. Sabrina asked her mother why she cuts the ends off the ham before dinner. Roger didn't care until Sarah threw away the ends of the ham while answering, her daughter with the explanation that it makes the ham taste better. Roger's jaw dropped as he felt that such an injustice had just been committed in front of his very eyes. Roger didn't see any reason why perfectly good ham should be sent to oblivion. So mustering all the control a hungry man can, he calmly asked his lovely wife to explain how cutting the ends off the ham was supposed to make it tastes better? Sarah thought for a minute and realized that she really didn't know. She was always taught that it was so from her mother.

Roger tried to maintain... The nice thing about this traditional gathering was that “grandma” was here, so he tried not to bellow as he called for grandma Peterson. Grandma Peterson happily arrived while finishing her comment to the other room. Sarah, taking the initiative, said “Mom why do you cut the ends off the ham?” Grandma said, “because it makes the ham taste better.” Roger asked trying to sound reasonable, “What is wrong with the pieces you cut off?” “How does discarding perfectly good ham make whats left taste better?” Grandma pondered this question... She didn't know. She said, “I was always taught by my Mother. Roger rolled his eyes. How convenient that this year Great Grandma had joined them in the gathering. Roger said, Lets go ask great grandma. So they all went to the living room where everyone was having fun telling stories.

The room got quiet as it was set upon by a hungry Roger, a concerned girl, a slightly irritated wife and a curious grandma. Grandma Peterson asked her Mom, “Mother.... Why did you cut the ends off the Ham before dinner?” Grandma said with out hesitation “because it makes the ham taste better!” Something about how frankly and sweet the old lady had said this made Roger chuckle. He couldn't believe that the explanation had lasted so many generations. Patiently Grandma said, “Mom why does it taste better with the ends cut off?” Great Grandma started to get testy at such a common knowledge question being asked her, she said, “Because the oven is hot and the sides would burn.” Rogers eyes began to water, he started throwing a fit of laughter. He said to Great Grandma. So your oven was too small! Great Grandma said “It was sufficient for our needs” Everyone laughed.

I can't fully clam this one as my own. I have heard it and differing versions of it. Here I simply have ilistrated it and added detail. Origin credit goes to UNKNOWN.

-Sargon

The Most Annoying Kid

Chapter 1

Tom was an ordinary kid. He played video games, had B's in class, got through Kindergarten and 1^st grade, and loved candy. He had a few friends, and besides that, he was picked on. It wasn't until 2^nd grade when he decided that he didn't want to get picked on anymore, so he began to pick on everyone else.

After a while, his friends left him. The teachers thought he was totally obnoxious. But that was when the candy bars came. Those delicious, wonderful, sweet candy bars that were quite the snack. Of course, that was when the new kid, Billy arrived. Tom thought Billy was such the kiss-up. Billy had straight A's and too many friends. He tried to tattle on everyone that was being even slightly annoying.

Billy was now Tom's target. He would tease him, poke him, or do whatever he could so Billy would get in trouble. Tom's plan didn't always work. At Brine Elementary, telling a teacher about something wrong was encouraged. So what happened was, Tom got tattled on, and he would lose that candy bar. It happened once, twice, three times.

Chapter 2

“Mrs. Ruthman? Mrs. Ruthman! Tom is poking me!” Billy, whom everyone knew was a tattle, was tattling, again. Mrs. Ruthman, the 2^nd grade teacher, was sick of it. Billy new that he would never get in trouble for tattling.

“Tom, keep your hands feet and objects to yourself. That will be 5 points off your table.” Points were used as an incentive to keep students quiet and behaving well. You started with 100 points, and points were taken depending on how bad or how frequent the act was. If your table had the most points at the end of the month, you got a king sized candy bar.

“Nice one, tattle head.” Tom was ill-tempered now, especially if anything would stop him from getting his candy bar.

“Mrs. Ruthman! Tom called me a tattle head!”

“Tom, that is enough. 10 points off of your table!” Now Tom is getting really irate.

“YOU DUMMY!!! NOW I PROBABLY WON'T GET MY CANDY BAR, AND IT'S YOUR FAULT!!!”

“Tom!! You do not yell at a fellow student, and especially in the building!! 15 points off your table, and you get to talk to the principal!” Tom was muttering something inaudible as he left the classroom. At lunch, Tom was back, and he was red with anger. People were whispering and pointing at him. However, when he sat by Billy, he calmed down.

“I have to talk with my parents now and work things out. But, I have a bargain for you, if you can be more annoying than me for a day, making you the most annoying kid for a day, then I won't be mean to you anymore. Deal?”

“Deal.” They shook on it. At recess, Billy was chasing people around and teasing them. The watch attendants were shocked. Billy had always been a good kid. They even had to send him to the principals office. This was a first time for Billy.

Chapter 3

“Okay, what's up... Come on, tell me.” The principal, Katalin Steward, had a way with kids.

“Your not the boss of me.” At this, Katalin was floored.

“You have been a good kid since you got here. Now today, in 2^nd grade, you act mean and brutish. Tell me why.”

“I don't have to, it's a free country.”

“Yes, it is, but I still want you to tell me what is wrong.”

“I don't have to if I don't want to.” Katalin was defeated.

“Okay, you get to talk to your parents now and work things out. I will call them later. Do you care?”

“Yes, no, maybe so.” At this point, Katalin was also stunned, so she sent him back to class. That just made things worse. He was yelling and teasing anyone who came into sight. All the teachers in the school heard him, and each complained to the principal. By this time, it was 3:00 PM. 25 minutes until school was over. 1 hour until Billy, Tom, their parents, Mrs. Ruthman, and Katalin got to go home.

The bell rang. It was time. Tom came in first, Billy in second, Mrs. Ruthman third, all the parents last. Katalin started with,”Have you noticed anything wrong at home? Were they left out, didn't do something right, or got yelled at.”

All the parents in unison said,”No. Our child gets what he wants, and gets everything right.”

Billy said,”We'll be better starting tomorrow.” Tom agreed. Katalin was relieved that the meeting was over at 3:45 PM. Billy was relieved that he didn't have to be annoying any more. Besides, it was hard.

The next day, everybody was avoiding him. Everybody, except Tom. Tom was his friend now. The day progressed as usual, except Billy wasn't tattling on people as much. He ate a good lunch, played catch with Tom, and came back in. To Billy, it was a good day. Then finally, at the end of school, a big crowd surrounded Billy. They said things like, “You're going to pay for what you called me yesterday!”, or ”You called me a flat head, flat head!” Billy was getting really scared.

Then Tom came out of the crowd and said, ”I'm the one you should be mad at. I told him that if he would be more annoying, we would be friends. He used to always tattle on me and I wanted to get him back. I'm sorry to all of you.” At that the crowd went away, mumbling. Tom said,”Now that that's over, friends?”

“Friends” And they shook on it.

Chapter 4

It was not long before the principal and teachers heard about the incident after school. The next morning, When Tom and Billy got to school, the instantly were called into the principals office. “Uh-oh!!”, was their reply.

Tom said,”Should we tell her?”

“I think she already knows. That's why we're getting called down.”

“You're right. So what can we do?”

“Hope.” And hope they did. Their reputation hung in the balance.

When the got there, Katalin said,”Two things, one, I am disappointed in both of you. Therefore, you will stay in from recess. Secondly, you will stay in for recess to study for the school play. I am amazed at your drama and acting power, you two. Back to class.”

Later, they ate lunch and went to the office to get their scripts. Billy said,”Hey! This play is about us. See, the bully is you, and the new guy is me!”

“Ha ha, funny.” But as he read the script, his mouth dropped open. “You're right, it has our entire story. From “Tom was an ordinary kid.” to “Friends, and they shook on it.” Wow!”

They studied day in and day out. Days went by, weeks. Finally, in April, auditions were held. Billy and Tom memorized their parts, and even put a twist on things. “I'm so sorry to all of you”, Tom sniffled,“Now that that's over, friends?” , with a grin. Billy also grinned,“Friends.”, and they shook each other's hand.

Katalin stood up, applauding. “Bravo, we all know who our new kid and bully are.” Some of the students applauded to, some even whistled. “And you will get to skip math to attend the play practices.

Chapter 5

Billy and Tom went to every practice and always preformed beautifully, as did everyone else. “The play will be phenomenal. Everyone will want to see it again and again, I did. I am completely awestruck with their performance.” Katalin was telling everyone about the play. She sent email, notes, talked to people in her PTA meeting, and making announcements over the intercom.

It was the day of performance. Over 2,000 adults came to see it. Over 3,000 children came with their parents. The auditorium was packed. The principal came to the micro-phone. “Ladies and gentlemen, I have seen these students preform, and I was amazed. I give you, the second grade school play.”

They preformed brilliantly. At the end, it seemed that even the auditorium roared with applause. The adults who got the play on camera, thought about selling the movie on Ebay. Then, a Hollywood artist approached them. “Billy's your name, right? How would you like to be a movie star! Just think! Rich and famous, living on Beverly Hills! Wadda ya say kid?”

He simply said,“Will Tom get to go? If not, then, no, I will not be a movie star.”

Dismayed, the Hollywood artist said,“I'm sorry you feel that way, Champ.” With that, he walked away.

Billy said,“Friends forever?”

Tom replied,“Friends. Forever.” And they shook on it.

The End

-Jakeman

(All characters and their names are fictitious)

Reason

The sea teaches of things present,

The stars remind us of things past,

The dawn tells us of the future,

The night listens, and knows.

-Jakeman

Samson and Delilah

Samson and Delilah were two exordinary Siamease Cats. Now when I say exordinary I mean it. Samson was a highly intelligent cat who was calm and had gentlemanly way about him, and he was very loyal. Delilah was also loyal however she had a mischevious streak that ran through her. She was curious of everything, and wasn't too careful about obeying rules or paying attention to possible dangers around her. One afternoon when Samson and Delilah were taking a cat nap something very exciting was happening right outside their apartment building. There was a noisy tuck making a delivery to the Art museum that just so happened to be located next Samson and Delilah's building. The noise from the truck woke Delilah.
"Aach!" humphed Delilah. "How can a cat get any sleep around here?" She thought.
Delilah gracefully jumped up to the big picture window overlooking the city. She looked down to the street below. There the truck rumbled and protested noisly to the driver who was grinding the gears.
"That driver doesn't know how to drive a truck well, I wonder whoever let him get his license!"
Delilah thought, still annoyed over loosing her beauty sleep.

Delilah wondered what the driver was delivering, maybe it was some priceless Picasso or Monet painting. Or maybe it was some new up and coming photographer's photographs. She did remember that her owner had talked about some new exhibit that was going to open there, but she couldn't remember what would be showcased. Just then there was a loud crash from the street down below..... this time the noise woke Samson up, too.............to be continued (due to the fact that the author now must finish her laundry!)



Sorry Folks I had a lot of laundry to finish up!
Where were we? Oh yes Samson had just awoke to a loud crash.....


"What was that?" Delilah asked aloud.

Drowsily Samson said that she didn't need to worry about what was happening down on the street.
"Mind your curiousity Delilah! You know how it gets you into trouble!" Samson scolded her.

"umph" was her response. "What good is having this wonderful brain, without using it to find good adventures to go on?"

Samson just sighed.

"I'm going to go check it out." she said as she glided gracefully across the floor and out the kitty door.
Samson had the inclination to finish his nap....but he knew Delilah all too well. She would need his help even if she was too pridefull to admit it. Secretly... if he was honest with himself, he loved a good adventure as well. So out the cat door he went after her.

So now, I have you hooked, the author now must go to bed........to be continued.

Why did you paint the grass green?

There once was a boy who lived in a big house. It was big, because he was not so big. Later in life when he revisited the house, with his man sized eyes, he wondered what happed to the vast field that was the back yard. How did it shrink so...

He remembered one summer day when the sun beat down as it did every summer day that year. The adults complained much, that it has been weeks of 103 degrees every day. The grass had yellowed, and the back bark of the boy's favorite almond tree had grown darker somehow as the heat radiated from it. The man remembered that day, as he looked at the house, and saw the empty back yard with both almond trees missing. He remembered and it hurt a bit.

As he began to recall the joy that was those two Almond trees. He remembered back, How the little boy didn't seem to care how hot it was on that summer day. Other than the sweat that ran down his face, he was on an enterprising plan. He would have the coolest sword made from scrap wood that was so carelessly discarded in that massive field of dreams that was his back yard. He cut the wood and shaped it. Mom would not mind using her sharp sword like kitchen knife for the job. She was always good about it. Just so long and it was back in the kitchen when I'm done he thought. The shaping done, all it needed was a little color. Again what luck, not to far way was a whole box full of paint. Except today, they were all back, white and one can of green. Well the shaft was supposed to be imagined as silver... so no silver paint... Leaving it wood color would never do. So black! So the boy took the black and set the shaft of the wood sword against the beautiful black bark of the almond tree. The black paint was heated quickly by the sun and smelled as it left the can. The wood soaked up the paint and dried quickly by the heat of the day. And look at that! No one would know that black was ever used! Stealthily, the boy replaced the black in the box. Now for the hilt. You see the hilt had to be a different color! Well, the boy thought, white would never work... so green it is! Back at the tree the boy was happy as he painted. How great it will be, he thought, what fun with his brothers would it be. He could almost hear the waking of the wood. He made quick work of the hilt. Nice green! It took a bit to dry but there it was. The only trouble was that the wood sword leaned against the tree and this lovely tree grew up a bit out of the ground there was an ever so slight slope to the ground and that lovely grass that grew on that slope was no longer yellow, It was a pleasant green.

As the Man remembered he couldn't help but to chuckle to him self. That boy quickly put back the paint, The kind owner would never know that the paint had ever been used, thought the boy... Till one day, there was a loud "jive me!" that shook the ground. And the question asked. Why is the grass green? Remembering, to this day, The man still smiles thinking about it. He recalls how bright that boy was, “I was a trend setter” the man thinks. It was not long after that that in the state of California lawn care dealers added green paint dye to the fertilizer spray to make the dieing lawns look green in the hot summer. Isn't all grass supposed to be green?

-Sargon